2017: May Running

27 miles. That’s all I managed to run in May.  The theme of the month is knee pain and frustration with the knee pain.

After seeing the orthopedic doctor and my chiropractor several times, I am in less pain now than I started May with, however I also have not had a run in a week and a half, and I haven’t had a substantial run in over 2 weeks. =/  I ran 27 miles in May.  I did other things in May though; I went to 3 cycle classes, a handful of strength classes, and had several walks too.  You can read about my previous months recaps here:  JanuaryFebruaryMarch, and April.

Photo May 30, 8 56 09 PM.jpg

I don’t know how long my running break will be. I’m trying to give my knee the rest it needs, but it’s hard to not run.  All I want to do is run without my knee aching beyond measure.  I’m trying to stay positive and keep believing it will all work out and be okay.

Photo May 30, 8 58 14 PM.jpg

Looking forward to June: I have the Hospital Hill 10k this Saturday, and no other races scheduled. I actually have no races scheduled until September! I’m going to focus on getting my knee healthy and try to be as active as I can while it rehabs.

May stats:
Running:  7 runs, totaling 27 miles.
Biking: 3 cycle classes and 1 bike ride in Hays, totaling 47 miles.
Longest Run: 7 miles, May 13, in Hays, with Kristen, Mom, and Chris
Races: None

But I Will Run Again

I can’t run.

It’s not that the doctor has told me not to run, or that I am deciding to take some time off. Or even that I’m too busy or don’t want to run.

I can not run.

The pain in my knee and calf is too severe. My walk is a limp most of the time. I try to run and it’s at best a fast limpy convulsion that doesn’t really resemble running.

I saw an orthopedic doctor last week who said my knee pain stumped him, because structurally, my knee is fine.  He gave me a cortisone shot in my hip, because occasionally children present with knee pain that stems from a hip problem.  I was skeptical, but willing to try, because the pain has gotten that severe. Over the course of the day after my shot, my knee pain subsided, and by the time I woke up the next morning, I had 75% pain reduction.

I was elated! It was working!  As the day wore on, all the pain seeped back into my knee, and now I am in the same pain I was in before the shot. To say I was disheartened and frustrated would be an understatement. I sobbed to my mom, to a wonderful woman at work, to my family, to Chris…

I can’t run.

I tried to run yesterday, slow – painfully slow. I made it a half mile before honestly could not run another single step. I stood on the street corner and stretched and pleaded for my knee to just work.  I choked back a few tears, and I continued on, but at a walk.  I limped/walked another 4.5 miles, determined to at least get in a considerable amount of steps and try to keep my heart rate up enough to get something out of it.

The thoughts don’t stop. Will I ever be able to run again? Will the knee pain ever go away? Why doesn’t anyone seem to know what the problem is, so I can work to fix it? What if I can’t ever run again? Who am I if I don’t have running? How will I get in shape and lose some weight so my knee has less pressure, if I can’t run? What if I need surgery? What I I get surgery and it doesn’t fix it? What if I can never run again?

I’m determined to find an answer. I hate how expensive going to doctors is, especially when they don’t know what’s wrong, ordering tests and trying injections and so on.  But I’m not going to live with this pain and the inability to move.

I can’t run.

Right now.

But I will run again.

Running will always be there for me, even if I have to take a few months off.  Time to heal, time to strengthen, time to rebuild.  This scares me beyond measure because I am scared it is unfixable.

But I will run again.

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2017: April Running

April, I’m glad you’re over! I ran 52 miles in April, which is my lowest mileage for the year. In fact, it’s my lowest mileage since January 2016! You can check out my recaps for JanuaryFebruary, and March if you need to catch up!

I really have no good reason why my mileage was so low. I just wasn’t feeling running in April.  The month started off with the Rock the Parkway Half Marathon. That race kind of led me into a downward spiral, with lots of emotions in many different aspects of my life bubbling up.  I’m fine, nobody needs to worry, but my running has definitely been slacking.  On top of the emotional issues I’ve been dealing with, I’ve been super swamped with wedding planning, moving prep, and work.  None of these things are good excuses, and I’m not trying to write them off, it’s just what happened in April.

I’m glad for May, a clean slate, a fresh start, a new month.

Back to April.  Rock the Parkway was the second Saturday of the month.  I didn’t write a race recap, but basically it was the slowest half I’ve ever run. I walked more than I’ve ever walked, and Chris stayed by my side for every single step. Emotionally, I went through happiness, sadness, frustration, hope, disgust, thankfulness, gratitude, rage, envy, hopelessness, shame, joy, love… the list goes on and on and on…  The race is over, I’ve dealt with a lot of my emotions, and still dealing with a lot more, but I’m in a much better place than I was at the finish line of that race.

Photo Apr 08, 11 23 40 AM

I only ran 11 times in April, the lowest in a long time.  Running is always there for me, and will always be there for me, whether or not I take a break.  I’m ready to get back on the horse and start putting in the mileage again.  I got a nice fun run in St. Joseph while Chris had band practice one Saturday, which was a fun way to explore a bit.

Photo Apr 23, 9 44 56 PM

Chris and I had some good runs too, the weather was really nice for part of the month, really hot and windy for part, and then at the end of the month, got cold and rainy.   I didn’t cycle at all in April. I need to work on that for May, and plan to go to cycle tonight.  I’ve added in some Group X classes, mainly a strength class during lunch once a week, and hope to add in a second day per week soon, and also get back to lifting on my own once a week or so.  Baby steps!

Photo Apr 30, 8 27 33 PM

I finished out the month with the Trolley Run, which is one of my very favorite KC races.  It was Chris’ first time doing the Trolley Run, and my third.  It was cold and drizzly, but we had a great run. I’ll be writing a recap this week.

Photo Apr 30, 7 48 06 PM

Looking forward to May: I have no races, but hope to get in some solid runs. My goal for the month is 75 miles for the month, and at least 1 strength session per week at the gym, and at least 3 cycle classes for the month.  How was your April? What does your May look like?

April stats:
Running:  11 runs, totaling 52 miles
Longest Run: 6 miles, April 23rd.
Races: Rock the Parkway Half Marathon and the Trolley Run