On the Eve

As I pictured this day in my head, many years past, I always pictured turning 30 with wide eyes, and a racing pulse.  30 years old was OLD to me, when I was younger.  30 year olds had families, mortgages, never-ending jobs… I didn’t want to be 30!

Here, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I feel calm and satisfied.  I feel like my 29th year on this earth has taught me a great deal.  A great deal about myself, about life, and about living.  I feel as though my 29th year has shown me who I am, and who I’m going to be for many years to come.

One year ago, on the eve of my 29th birthday, I was in Hays, with my family.  I was 3 days away from my divorce being finalized.  I was less than 2 months into my new lease, living in my own apartment, by myself.  I was working at a job I wasn’t too fond of, but hadn’t found anything better.  I had lost my grandpa to cancer 6 months prior.  I cried a lot at many of the changes happening in my life, and they were not all sad tears.

Fast forward to today.  I am spending my last day of my 29th year at a job I truly love, and am excited to go to every day.  I am about to go running with my best friend, like I do many times per week.  I have been single for over a year, and could honestly not be happier.   I realized how unhappy I was in my marriage, and though I would have fought to save it, I have grown stronger and happier and more myself because of the divorce.

I have learned about myself over these last 12 months.  I’ve learned that I like my apartment tidy and organized.  I’ve learned that I won’t get tired of pizza, even if I have it every Friday night.  I’ve learned that I like to go to bed in the 9s and that I like my routine, but also like exploring and trying new things.  I have learned to let go of relationships that do me no favors and weigh me down.  I have learned to cultivate relationships that lift me up and help me grow.

I’ve grown up in my 29th year, and in my 20s in general.  I am not the same person I was a decade ago.  I don’t think I would recognize that person I was from a decade ago, I have grown much more confident, self assured, stronger, and mature.  I’ve become myself, defined by me, not by others.

I am who I am today, turning 30 years old tomorrow and full of happiness in my life, because I fought hard to become me.  Happy birthday to me, I’m looking forward to this new decade.  Cheers!


2 thoughts on “On the Eve

  1. Well, today must be the day that you are officially 30!!!! Happy Birthday! I thought the 20’s were so overrated…yes, one definitely becomes more independent (which is good) but in the 30’s and thus 40’s you become even more who you really want to be. No more pleasing everyone else, no more doing it for “the kids” (in some cases), no more saying “yes” to stuff because you think its the right thing to do…..

    Getting older really is Great!

    (who knew one would ever say that!)

    Have a great day!!!

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