Embracing My Tomorrows

I am divorced.

Wow.  That’s a sentence I never imagined I would say.

I thought that when I married James, just over 4 years ago, that it would be for life.  I was head over heels in love.  We were high school sweethearts; it was meant to be.  To say a lot has happened in the 11 years I have been with James would be an understatement.  I have changed.  He has changed.  It is extremely unfortunate that our paths could not continue to be intertwined.

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Last year, when we moved to Kansas City, I think one of James’ biggest reasons for moving was to try for a fresh start, a new beginning, and in some ways, to run away from some problems.  I wanted to move too, but I also loved our life in Hays.  My family was in Hays, my friends were in Hays, but I, too, wanted to move to KC in search of bigger and better things.  I settled into life in KC wonderfully, I met up with a running group and immediately made lots of friends.  I was promoted at work, and now have a job that I really like.  I’ve found a yoga studio with a wonderful instructor.  I have bloomed here in Kansas City.  James did not find the same happiness and success here that I did.  He was not happy in his job, he did not connect with old friends the way he hoped to, and in many ways, he felt stuck.

I knew he was unhappy, not necessarily with me or our relationship, but in life.  Moving to Kansas City did not magically fix everything; I hoped it would, but feared it would not.  In March, he sat me down and asked for a divorce.  I was stunned, but knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t sure.  It was a weekend full of tears, heartache, and shock.  I told him that although it was not something I ever wanted, I understood and would not fight him.   Two days later, we jointly filed for divorce, and last week, we went to court and it is now officially over.

I moved into a new apartment with Jasper, our cat, and have settled in over the last couple months. It is still hard to believe that it really is over, that I am a Fleharty again, that I will have to mark the “Divorced” box on paperwork, that James won’t be a part of me any more.  Many people have told me that I am handling it well, and that time will heal and I will move on and find someone who deserves to be with me, and that I will be happy.

The truth is, I am happy, though a part of my heart has died and 11 years of my life were spent loving someone with all of my heart and soul, and now it’s over.  The truth is, a part of my heart will always have love for James, he was my first love, and nothing can take that away.  The truth is, I know I will be okay.  I have the best support system there is.  I have family who love me unconditionally, I have a wonderful group of friends in several areas of my life, and I have confidence that I will heal and find love again.

The truth also is that it really sucks in the here and now present moment.  I am sad to not wake up to James at my side.  I’m sad to not share my day with him, to eat meals and watch TV and to not have someone know every part of me.  Friends who are divorced tell me that it may take a year or two, but I will embrace myself, I will find myself, and I will be a stronger, more confident woman because of the struggles I am enduring now.Photo May 21, 12 47 13 PM

I do not have hate in my heart for James. I hope he is able to find himself, to find what he needs, but I will also mourn the loss of our love for each other and for the future we could have had, together.  Though I am mourning, I am also embracing my tomorrows, the tomorrows that are mine, and mine alone.  I am determined to make my tomorrows all they can be, and use this unfortunate circumstance to truly discover myself and rise to the challenge of fulfilling my dreams.

With brave wings,
Renee

May Roundup

May is over, and I have totaled my running numbers for May and for the year. You can read up on my 2015 goals, and 2015 revised goals, as well as my January, February, March, and April roundups!  I finished May with 65.5 miles, which puts me at 353.5 miles for 2015.  My goal of 950 miles for 2015 means I will need to average 85 miles per month June through December to reach this goal.

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May started off with some painful miles, as I came to realize my right hamstring / glute / hip problem was not going away.  I went to Schabel Performance during the first week of May, and began a treatment regimen including ART (Active Release Technique), Gaston, Dry Needling, Kinesiology Taping, and Chiropractic Adjustments.  It’s now the end of May, and I am doing better, but I am not cured yet.  I am continuing to see the chiropractor about once a week, and have seen some marked improvements, but just wish it was better already!

At the end of the second week of May, I had a half marathon, the Scout Strong Challenge Half Marathon, that I ran with Amy.  You can read my recap here; this was my least favorite half marathon to date, but it’s done and over!  The Scout Strong Challenge was my only race in May.

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In May, I ran with the KCRC Groupies 5 times, and attended the KCRC Ladies Night as well.  I won a pair of shoes at Ladies Night, which I’m excited to try out and review!  The last Thursday of May was the first Thirsty Thursday, which was a run, then drinks with the Groupies afterwards.  It was a lot of fun, and I think they will try to host a Thirsty Thursday about once a month.

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I went home over Memorial Day weekend, and spent some quality family time running with Mom and Kristen and Shay puppy.  We were able to get out and put in some miles all 4 day of the long weekend, which was just what I needed!

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My longest run in May, besides the half marathon, was two separate days, each with a 5 miler.  On May 3rd, I ran 5 miles, and I felt like I was walking, my pace was so slow.  This was the run I decided to call a chiropractor, my butt and leg hurt so bad.  The second time I ran 5 miles in May was May 24, in Hays.  It was a combo run where I ran some with Shay puppy and some with Mom to total 5 miles.

I’ve continued to attend yoga classes once a week, and will continue to do so.  I have one race to look forward to in June, which is next weekend, the Hospital Hill Half Marathon.  How did your May shape up?

Thursday Thoughts: May 28

Super quick Thursday Thoughts this week, because the highlight of this past week was definitely going to Hays for the long sisser and birthday and Memorial Day and family weekend! 

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Photo May 24, 7 51 26 PMI have two very new (to me) favorite things to share with you this week.  Both have to do with sea salt.  I know, weird, right?  First, Pop Secret’s Sea Salt Popcorn.  To die for delicious.  Carmen let me try a bag at work, and then she gave me the whole box because I loved it so much.  Once this box is demolished, I will definitely be purchasing more.  Yum yum goodness.

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The second fun new (to me) thing to share with you this week is Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe sea salt spray and sea kelp extract.  I’ve used these products a total of one time, and they not only smell amazing, they make my hair super soft, nice and pretty beach wavy, and they help take away the frizz! Win, win, win.  I can’t wait to use them again and again!Photo May 27, 10 01 56 PM

Last night was the final yoga class with Maylo at Life Spring Yoga.  Most unfortunately, the yoga studio is closing at Life Spring, but I will follow my very favorite Maylo to Lotus Yoga and continue yoga once a week with her.  Last night’s class was an emotional class.  I’ve only been attending yoga at Life Spring since January, but I’ve become very attached to the studio, to my fellow students, and to Maylo.  She’s really become my “yoga mom.”

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Tonight is the first KC Running Company’s “Thirsty Thursday,” which will be a KCRC Groupie run followed by drinks at a local brewery! I think Thirsty Thursday will be a monthly Groupie thing; I’m really excited about getting to know the Groupies better!  Also, for anyone who has experienced how awesome KCRC is, I’d love for you to nominate them for one of the best US Running Stores.  They certainly deserve to be recognized for how amazing they are, you can read my top 10 reasons to love KCRC here, and you can nominate them for one of the top 50 running stores in the US here!

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Flyer courtesy of the KC Running Company Facebook page.

Have a safe and fun weekend! Don’t forget your sunscreen if you’re outside, it’s getting warm and sunny!