The best way I can describe how I have felt my running has been lately is stagnant. With the stress of moving from my hometown, losing my daily running partner, starting a new job, and getting used to a new city with hills and humidity, my running has truly taken a backseat.
I feel as if I need to write it down, see it on the screen, and let it go. I must let it go, progress, and move forward.
In April, I completed my first half marathon. At that time, I had been in training for 6 months, and my body was tired. I was unable to run it all, and I was frustrated that I couldn’t do it, but confident that I would achieve that goal. After the half marathon, I took a little time off, and slacked a bit on the running. I never stopped running, simply took it easy for a few weeks.
At the end of my “break,” I told myself I wanted to build a strong base for my running. It was right about that time that my husband and I began seriously looking for jobs and apartments in KC. Cut to July, and we had moved to KC and began new jobs. The stress of packing, moving, and getting settled meant my running was down on the list of priorities Again, I didn’t stop running, but I certainly wasn’t putting in the mileage I should have. I’m ok with that, and thought I could simply pick it back up and train for my next half marathon, in October.
It is here that I hit my wall. I know it is a fact that you lose fitness, and it is a fact that I lost fitness. Add that to the hills and humidity of KC, and I found myself struggling with the most simple of runs. Adjusting to the new city life and trying to fit in runs that felt harder than they should have has seriously injured my running confidence. I managed to put on a brave face and plow through as many runs as I could over the first month of living in KC. I ran in new places, beautiful places, and saw other runners, and was motivated to get back on track.
James and I went home last weekend, to visit family and unfortunately attend a funeral. I had planned on running a 5k with Mom that weekend too. The race did not go as hoped. The entire summer of running collapsed on me last weekend. During a short run with Mom the day after the race, I cried, I laughed, I was upset, but most of all, I was relieved to talk it through, and get it off my chest.
I knew, deep down, that it was all ok. I had been through many changes, and it is totally understandable why my running had taken the turn it did. Tonight, I talked to my sister and trainer, and again, got it off my chest. I am now letting it go, moving on, and beginning from where I am, not where I want to be or think I am.
I know the half marathon I am running in October will not be perfect. I am not going into it wanting to run it all, or wanting to beat my first half marathon time. I am going into it knowing it will be the largest race of my life (so far), and knowing that it will be a fun and amazing weekend with my mom and sister, and knowing that I am enough.
I am enough, and I am running again with brave wings.